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My hope

My second day in Orthopaedics department. I had to go to the clinic. Quite a lot of patients were there each clinic days. I saw few cases. Even though my Orthopaedics knowledge is not so good since I just join the department, I tried my best to execute simple management for my patients. I consulted several times to my head of department. Initially I was quite scared to consult him. I was thinking he might get bored and mad at me of asking him too many questions. Surprisingly, he taught me a lot. Nicely. Hmm..

I am thinking of what is actually happening to me for the past few months. I think I had a lot of problems or may I call them 'challenges' (if I'm a positive thinker). I remember an article I read few years ago regarding the 3rd child of the family. The article said, that the 3rd child of the family has the least concern from the parent. While the 1st and the youngest child will usually get the most concern from the parent.

3rd child of the family also live independently and usually they have to manage their life themselves. Even though the parent may sometimes got involved, but most of the time they're not. This is because the 3rd child is born after the family is having completed their circle of love. As a consequence of it, therefore they are left aside sometimes. And 3rd child will usually grew up with less concern, less assistance and to the worst - less love.

Ok.. enough. Whether its true or not, it is just an article. Only 3rd child knows the truth of their life.

Living in the era of money and modernity may sometimes put on pressure to me. Nowadays, almost everything is related to money. Until I frequently heard people said "Nak buang air kecil sendiri pun kene bayar jugak..". Uhuk.

Lately, I almost feel my life is just like a piece of rubbish. I admit that I have a very good job. But, my life is still not satisfying me. I feel so depressed and left behind. I don't know why. And I can't explain it. My life is sooo boring. Nothing make me happy. Adding up to my burden are day-to-day unsettled problems.

I rather keep all my burdens myself. As I feel and I know that nobody will understand me. I tried to share my burdens with people who are closed to me. But, once I started to tell them, I am the one to be blamed. I admit that I have communication problem. I seldom talk to people even with my siblings. People around me seems to assume that I have no problem. The truth is, I keep all my problems inside my heart.

I would say that I have nobody to talk to - from heart-to-heart. And that is the reason why I behave like this. People around me always take for granted everything that I say.

If I am to be given a chance to change my life, I hope that I am not born to be 3rd child. So, I will be able to live my life full of happiness and serenity. But, I realise that Allah swt is always fair to me. Even the whole world left me aside, He is still there for me. Everytime, anywhere. Instead of having someone special to share my life, He gave me the opportunity to share it with Him. I am still grateful and thankful to Him for blessing me with a wonderful family and a wonderful soulmate.

I pray to Him, that my life will be long enough until I can still meet Ramadhan and use it to the fullest. I have to face my life. And most of the time I have to face it alone.

Happy celebrating Nisfu Sya'aban..

Pernah hati ini terguris
Dengan fitnah dan tomahan menghiris
Sehingga terasa diri ini hina
Kerna tiada siapa yang sudi membela

Ku tabahkan hatiku harungi hidup
Biarpun tiada siapa yang menemani
Keseorangan aku di laluan sepi
Ditinggalkan mereka yang ku percayai
Namun ku tahu ada hikmahnya
Setiap segala yang menimpa diri
Ku serahkan segala padaMu Tuhan
Yang Berkuasa jua Mencipta
Kerana Engkau Maha Mengetahui
Segala apa yang terbuku di hati

Ya Allah tidak ku terdaya lagi
Menahan dugaan yang mencabar ini
Terasa bagai noktah telah ku temui
Mengakhiri segala yang telah ku mulai

Ya Allah engkau lindungilah aku
Bekalkanlah daku dengan limpahan iman
Agar tabahku menghadapi dugaan
Agar tidak ku terhenti di pertengahan

Kini di sini aku berdiri
Bersama harapan yang tulus suci
Agar terbitlah kembali mentari
Setelah malamku berkalut benci

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